I am...
Saturday, December 27, 2008Y
3:17 am
Nothing is constant.Perhaps change is the only constant.
I don't know why I'm saying this, nothing happened to me actually, its just some of my reflections. Kinda recalled some events in my life, and those beliefs that I once held so strongly to. It is amazing how some of them evaporated and disappeared as the time goes by.
Whenever people ask me about my ambition in future, I would give them some vague answers nonchalantly and dismiss that thought immediately. Come to think of it, my answers are different all the time. Some of them are abstract, unreachable, too reachable and etc. Honestly, I do not have an exact goal worth working and striving hard for right now. My life now is like a balloon hovering through a thick mist. I do not know the danger ahead, yet I'm powerless over my own destiny since Im so penetrable. This may sound like a crude and careless remark. But I feel that its time for me to settle down and stop hovering around like a social butterfly.
I know that I'm once a girl who was so easily overcomed by emotions, using her heart instead of her brain to think. If you ask me if I have lived meaningfully, I would tell you yes, because I dare to face all my problems myself and solve it. However undeniably, I have certain flaws which I have yet to change till now. I need to dispose off that irrationality and the ferocious temper that would rise from nowhere when I'm angered. Argh, my pride is also an issue, I should not let it obstruct me too often.
4 days to the end of 2008. As I look back on 2008, I feel that it is quite a short year. It is not as exciting as the precious years, yet it is filled with fond memories. I've experienced many internal struggles and regrets regarding my studies and at the same time, I met another special boy in my life. His existence brought ripples of sweetness and happiness once again into my already numbed heart. As I juggled between my various commitments and my studies, 2008 sprinted past me.
In the new year, I want to find a goal for myself and develop my niche area. At the same time, i want to constantly remind myself of the importance of education because I realised that the meaning of it is slowly slipping away from me.
Argh winnie, life is not a bed of roses! I will still follow my heart and do what I like to do, but at the same time, I will still complete what I'm suppose to do properly. The reason why I'm reflecting and exposing all my flaws here is because i want live a more meaningful and happier life. Acknowledging the problems is always the first step and its also partly because I'm very bored at home.
I hope that by the end of 2009, I can look back and announce loudly that I did everything that I want to do.
